Helicopter Parenting
Dear Parents, are you a Helicopter!?
(Don’t be…)
Are you someone who is always next to your child when he/she does a homework, has a breakdown, falls on the ground, advising to eat, sleep, groom in a certain way despite the child’s developmental stage; lifting the blocks on your own, instead of giving the space; directing each and every move instead of allowing your child to make decisions; boosting about your child success rates and not considering about whether your child is able to process his/her vulnerabilities, needs and desire.
It appears that you’re doing more harm to your child rather than being in the moment to provide comfort in the line of chaos.
This is what we call as Helicopter parenting.
Although, helicopter parenting has such a relatively negative connotation, researchers have not found any consistent results of its impact. It was observed during the initial stage that most newly married mothers or baby boomers who were early into parenting, lack of support from an experienced adult or the other; had some difficulty and were overly protective of their kids despite their developmental stage. Hence, the term Helicopter parenting became a popular theme to spread notion of its impact on overinvolved, protective parents and their way of parenting.
As the term suggests, just like a helicopter hovering before a thrust, a parent hovers around a kid, trying to solve the situation. Which understandingly is not a wrong action plan but what goes wrong is when a parent is constantly fixated on the child’s experience and situation trying to fix and resolve rather than allowing his/her kid to decide on an action plan. Thus, helicopter parents are those parents who are overindulged, overprotective and extremely attentive towards child’s lives to the extent of child’s detriment.
Why does one follow this form of parenting?
It was observed that many a times, when newly wedded mothers, single parents or mothers who have experienced any kind of trauma or adversity; developed these tendencies (I.e., hovering around a child) due to various factors such as insecurity, self-doubts, fear, expectations, creating needs beforehand, fixing the uncertainty, damage control, and other such detriments. It was observed that overly anxious parents and others started following this parenting style over others as their needs were met immediately.
So, what happens?
Though parents need to be attentive towards their child’s wellbeing, many a times helicopter parents tend to overindulge themselves across all areas of a child’s life, by micromanaging, adding control, supervision and guidance at each step. Sometimes more than what is required shunning child’s creativity.
Your child might need help at all steps in the future, if you put him/her in a situation of protection of all time
Your child might avoid taking measurable risks
Your child might have difficulty making decisions if solutions are given at all steps
Your child might see failure as somethings huge and not as an experience
Parents might feel that they should not disappoint their child, he/she should not cry, shouldn’t fall, prevent temper tantrums rather than allowing them to express their emotions
Some child may show hostility if too much of control is given, child might end up hiding things from parents and not expressing their losses
Child might develop entitlement issues believing that they deserve certain privileges as a result of getting what they want
Has difficulty coping up with failure as they didn’t learn in their young age and lack skills of conflict resolution
Has difficulty believing their own abilities even after failing once or twice due to lack of support from primary care givers
Below are some of the habits of helicopter parenting:
- Over-monitoring: Getting to know their daily schedule, where they went, whom they met, what they did, etc. despite their developmental stage. Overly involving in their day-to-day activities, taking steps to decision making, not allowing them to choose and rather deciding on themselves; overamplifying their achievements and disregarding their failure attempts.
- Over-involvement- Involving in every aspect of their life, be it friendship, romantic partner, relationship with another parent, manager or boss.
- Over-protection – Protecting their child in every matter, not allowing the child to experience failure, not allowing child to take measurable risks, not educating the child about the challenges and rather providing child with fixed solutions.
How to break this pattern of helicopter parenting?
Explore your child’s thoughts, emotions and behaviours by spending time with them and doing activities together
Support your child’s creativity by listening to them, asking them questions, be curious about their decisions and executions
Refrain from doing everything on your own for your child by allowing them to make mistakes, correcting by themselves, reaching out for help
Give assistance to your child step by step to achieve their goals rather than giving them one fixed solution
Allow your child to face consequences of their actions rather than teaching them to avoid or escape situations
Allow your child to express both their strengthens and weakness equally rather than amplifying their success alone
Educate your child about assertive skills for respecting and valuing their and others decisions
Allow your child to do age-inappropriate activities, if they are curious and willing to try, be supportive and understanding of their needs
Talk to an expert to understand more about it
Takeaway:
No single parenting style is healthy, it’s about finding the right balance. And, it is okay to compensate or provide solutions by intervening in child’s decisions. What is unhealthy is when it becomes the sole coping mechanism which hinders growth and development.
Thus, healthy parenting leads to resilient and stronger children.
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